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Friday, 13 November 2009

  • God Loves Me? No Way!

    It is just so hard for me, or even for many of us, to believe that someone could love us. Especially when we are hard on ourselves and when we feel so unworthy, how can someone love us? In this world and time, when we try to "earn" love through beauty, wealth, position, power, fame, and whatnot, how can we possibly believe that someone can love us when we feel ugly and poor, and despite the position, power, or fame, we might have, so many of us feel that's just not enough.

    I was praying one day, sincerely feeling an enormous amount of love towards God. At the point, I thought of all the things He has done for me and my life ran through my mind. I saw that I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for His kindness and grace. And seriously, I just love everything about God. So I prayed over and over, "I love You, I love You, I love You..." And all of a sudden, believe it or not, I heard a voice. The voice said, "But do you know that I love you?" For a moment, I was taken aback. I knew for certain that it was God in reply to my prayer. Then my automatic response was, "Of course, I know..." but stopped midway. 'Did I really know? Did I really believe that He loved me? Why can He love someone like me?' And I realized, I really didn't know that God loved me. So I prayed, "God, because I'm dull and not so spiritual, can you let me know Your love through a person?" At that moment, I had this strong feeling that God will speak through this one particular person.

    Sure enough, after our prayer session, that very person came to me, grabbed me by my hands and took me aside.
    She told me that as she was praying, she had a message for me from the Lord. The Lord told her to tell me that I am very beautiful and that He loves me. Also, that I must believe that He loves me 100%.

    Did I believe her? Yes. Did I acknowledge it? Yes. Did I realize that God loves me? No. Not quite. I think that's something I need to face, understand, and realize on my own. Through the messages and continuous prayer, I'm beginning to understand. But I know, that love is overwhelming and great. From time to time, I feel it, and when I feel it, my body shakes and I cry because that love is so great and moving.

    Why do I write this here? So that we can overcome ourselves, stop being so hard on ourselves, and realize that God loves us...believe it or not. It will be our loss that we can't accept this simply because we don't believe. I guess that's why Sunsangnim constantly tells us that God has loved us for the longest time but it was always one-sided. I would like for us to love God and realize that He loves us. Me, too. I'm still on my way.

    Let's try to understand that it's not beauty, fame, position, or wealth that will earn love. To receive love, you need to give love.

Monday, 23 February 2009

  • Misunderstandings

    There are just too many misunderstandings in the world.
    We perceive people and circumstances through our own rose-colored glasses.
    We even perceive people and what they do according to what we might have done in those same circumstances.
    That is when conflicts arise...sadly.

    One thing I've faced this week is that some have assumed certain things about me, why I said what I said, what I have conspired to do, what I must have thought at the time, and with what intention. I was taken aback by those assumptions because those thoughts or intentions have never crossed my mind. In fact, I just don't think that complicated. I know the limits of my mind. In fact, I have limits to what I can think at one time. I tend to think that there are only so much space in my brain to retain so I prefer to think simply. I feel that excess thought take up too much of my brain space and I want to reserve it for more important things (like my social security number, my to-do list, and promises I've made that week.)

    Plus, I have the most transparent expression in the whole world (or so I think but I'm pretty sure I'm right.) So why risk getting caught lying, deceiving, or conspiring when I'll get caught inevitably. So I prefer honesty and genuineness. That is just the simplest way to live life. Nothing to keep track of.

    Sometimes, I'm just so involved with myself that I simply don't have time to plan or conspire around another human being. Really. I would like to occupy myself more with ways I can improve myself as a person and really, really put all my efforts into putting the Word to practice. Hah! And last week's message was to love your brothers. It shouldn't be that hard because I really don't hate anyone but I think Sunsangnim, meant for us to do more than that. I felt that it meant that I shouldn't do the eye-for-an-eye thing but to go the extra mile even for those who treat me with disregard. Now, that's hard. And this week, Sunsangnim told us to value Jesus more and emphasized that he is the one and only Son of God. I love Jesus but again, I believe this is a week of realizing deeply Jesus Christ's value and reflect it in our daily life.

    I love these weekly projects. It really keeps me going and helps me feel progress in my faith and life.

    Okay, what I can learn from my experience this week...don't project my thoughts upon someone else and take them for face value. Don't interpret people's actions too much or else I'll end up doing the same things people do to me.

Friday, 07 March 2008

  • Yes, I am a blogger at heart.

    Yes, yes, I'm a blogger at heart but just lazy at getting to the computer to write out my thoughts. Is that a contradiction or what? But I do like blogging nonetheless. It's a luxury I treat myself to once in awhile.

    Well, lately, Pastor Joshua's been talking about being thankful to God. I tried writing a 100 things I was thankful for EVERY DAY. It was a little hard at first but once I got the ball rolling, I realized just how much God takes part in our lives to help us in so many ways.

    Anyway, I've been sick for the past two weeks. That usually doesn't happen. I've just been overworking myself. I set myself a goal to work out every single day and I tried to do it even while I was still sick and not quite "repaired." I felt nauseous, and believe it or not, a loss of appetite!

    I'm going to get a good night's rest today and hopefully, I will feel better tomorrow.

    Okay, this might sound fake but honestly, it isn't. I love God A LOT. Really. It may sound abstract to a lot of people but gosh, I feel really personal with Him. It's almost as if I could picture what He could look like. Oh, don't worry, it's not a blasphemy of any sort. It's just that I love Him a lot. I can sense that He does a lot for me in a real sense. Not just a "Christian-quote-and being-a-goodie-goodie" sense.

    Well, I felt like fainting so many times today but fulfilling all my obligations gave me a sense of obligation and already I feel better physically and spiritually.

Thursday, 24 January 2008

  • What Makes a Person Divine?

    What's the definition of divinity?

    I can see that people's view of divinity is anything or rather anyone who is above and beyond the normal person from birth. I see it differently.

    If God is divine and God created us in His image, wouldn't we all have the potential of being divine? My definition of divinity, and hopefully the definition that many others will adopt, is to take what God has given us and with all possible effort, we make ourselves like God. The operative word here is "like" and not "to be" God. No one can be God. He is one and unique.

    So in my point of view, natural born talent is not much greater than talent that is made. In fact, I prefer the talent that is made because it shows that the person has the ability to maintain it once acquired. Pastor Joshua (aka Jung Myung Seok) has shown me the true meaning of this.

    When you first find out what he WAS like, he was no better than a common person. In fact, he says that he had more disadvantages like being short, being Korean (hey, I'm proud of bein Korean!), being born in the countryside, having a short tongue (meaning can't enunciate words as clearly), being ugly (or so he thought), and being poor. Plus, he was painfully shy and had limited education. *Note: In Korea, you have to pay for even elementary level education and being poor and being one of the 7 kids, made it difficult to attend school after 4th grade.

    Okay, so he had these disadvantages but he made himself. He educated himself with the most sophisticated form of literature, the Bible, by reading it over and over and trying to understand the complex parables in the Bible. He practiced over and over so that he can now speak in front of thousands. He kept himself well-groomed and clean to best present himself, and he overcame shyness as he spoke to strangers about the gospel every single day.

    He had no artistic ability, nor that of an athlete. So what did he do? He practiced kicking the soccer ball at a minimum of 1000 times so that he can become skilled in accurate shooting. He practiced a stroke of a brush pen and even his signature days on end. And oh, his singing, I have to say this without bias, was terrible. When he sang, I couldn't tell which song he was singing because he was so out of tune. (Although I have to give him credit for singing so deeply that the lyrics just pronounced themselves.) His singing, however, improved tremendously and can you believe he even composed one of the most heavenly songs I've ever heard?

    When I see all his struggles to perfect one skill, all to give glory to God, I see hope. I see that anything is possible. I also see that the miracle is to actually make yourself what you weren't before, that it is to "create" yourself. So then, isn't divinity to be able to create ourselves as God is divine because He created us and the world?

    I can see this in how he made WMD (Wolmyungdong: the natural temple that he created in his hometown. You can see the video of this place at www.providencetrial.com.) He didn't know a thing about rock landscaping. In fact, he hired pros then let them go so that he can make it himself the way he intended. He failed about 3 or 4 times before making something as grand as what you see today. Seeing his hard work and all his efforts, I know now that he is an example of someone who took what God gave him, appreciated it, and developed it valuably. And consequently, Jesus Christ did the same. In Hebrews chapter 5, it states that Jesus made himself perfect through correction and obedience.

    So, divinity is made.

    And for those born with great talents, without effort or devotion, consider it lost because just as we can become divine, we can make ourselves non-divine through laziness and basically taking it for granted. What I'm trying to say is, I'm going to work on "creating" myself as Pastor Joshua (Jung Myung Seok) had done. And who better to create ourselves with none other than our Creator, God.

Thursday, 22 November 2007

  • Happy Happy Happy Thanksgiving!

    Happy Thanksgiving! Let's not forget to thank God for all our blessings. Pastor Joshua Jung (Jung Myung Seok) had always told us to be thankful in detail. I found that this really helps us to appreciate the things we are thankful for. My gosh, there are times that I am overcome with tears because of all that I am thankful for. (No exaggeration).

    I am mostly thankful that God is always next to me and that He will never leave me. I was so moved during one message when Pastor Joshua (Jung Myung Seok) said, "people may have hurt you and left you in the past and there are divorces no matter how much one may have made a promise before God, but with God, as long as you don't leave Him, He will never leave you." I am so happy that God will be with me for eternity. No death, no distance, and no language barriers will drive us apart.

    So everyone, let's count our blessings, in detail~!

evergreennaomi

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